August 2010: Things got a bit more serious
tonight when it came to poker play. The Leader Board is tightening up as the Monster's lead slowly dwindles.
We were introduced a few new games as well. The new break out hit games are "Babies Daddy" and "Show-em".
Food tonight was also interesting, as it looked more like Charlie's Bakery then a dinner menu. On the flip
side, the "moat" at Castle Johnson is complete. You have heard the term "Shuffle Up and
Deal". Well when it comes to Bob J it is now "Shut the F%#$ Up and Deal". Stay tuned
poker players......the next four months should be an epic battle not to be missed!
Favorite
Food: Ron J's chicken beaks and nuggets
Quote of the Night:
"Daddy...doesn't four cards beat three?"
July 2010: Poker Night is always a good time. Even better when the
cards fall your way. But the best poker of all is when you get to play for free. And thanks to M.J, that happened
quite a few times tonight. Not to be outdone, Ashtyn J. has proclaimed that when she becomes a "big girl"
she wants to play as well. A new game was brought to the table called "Show em'" that seemed to be a
hit. Chuck F. continues to be the kiss of death in "F" your buddy. Uncle Pervert also made his presence
known. But she did have that "Ace" look. John M's lead is down to $1.00 which continues to be eaten
away and is now within striking range. Also a reminder to all that were invited about the upcoming pool party at "Shooters".
Favorite Food: M.J.'s gray....err purple kick azz cupcakes
Quote
of the Night: Great...I think I broke my sister.
June
2010: Well, we are not sure what happened. We used to go to Ron J.'s to play poker, talk “man
talk”, and listen to 70's music. Fast forward to present day and now it’s Tellatubbies on the TV and the
house has turned into Ron J. Daddy Day Care. There were more "little people" under the age of 12
then there was poker players. Throw in that Ron J. got rid of his "binky"….total chaos. Upset
George M. so much, he decided to move back to Indiana to marry his first cousin. Then…..on top of all of this, some type of crime scene / ancient
Indian burial ground archeological dig is going on in the back yard. We were just waiting for one of the little people
to start staring at the TV screen chanting "there here....." Don’t go into the light little person!!!!
Also I'm not sure what Doug B. was doing in the backyard, but he made $250.00 while he was out their, and Ron J. got
$150.00 of it. Hey…..what happens when you heat water to 210 degrees? By the end of the night
it was a blood boil…err.. bath for most. Doc and Mallory decided they wanted our money more than we did.
Favorite Food: Their are two winners. Best
entree: Doc's Pulled Pork. Best Desert: Kathy's Cookies.
Quote of the Night: "If you would have flopped that pair, I would have
shot you in the head!"
May
2010: Is there a Doctor...err Dentist in the house? Well the answer is yes...after 13 years Mark
C. has rejoined the game. The last time Mark was at the table was December of 1997. And with a fitting welcome
back, the night was full of Anti-Dentite jokes. We also had another newcomer to the table. Thats right, Mallory
J. is 18 and legal....to play cards. Giggity. There was also some sort of "presence" at the table. Kinda
like a ghost....like someone was there...but they weren't. Moving on...we did miss some of our regulars. Bobby
J was taking a Shower. And Cuz is still MIA. And in their absence George M. became the Best Poker Player in the
World....self proclaimed of course. All in all a good night of cards. John M.'s lead is starting to dwindle away.
With five months in the trophy is still anyones to be had.
Favorite Food: Ron
J's Bitch Brisquet
Quote of the Night: "Lunch Break!"
April 2010: After a 13 year haitus tonight saw the
return of Jeff P, and after a slight re-learning curve, he fell right back into the mix. Of course this also meant the
return of the unclaimed Coors Light fumes. Blam! The table had the "Vegas feel" which fell right in
line with the desert in the front yard. It was also decided that a few new rules would be inacted. No grunting
while dealing. No three quarter games before the mandantory three quarter game. The new offical poker night radio
station will be K92fm. And it is still undecided if one should become a Deacon or a Scoutmaster. Favorite
Food: To close to call between Tim's Spinach Dip and Kathy Bacon Cheese Wraps and Rice Crispy
Treats
Quote of the Night: We got ourselves a dual in the desert!
March
2010: It was a quite night after several "slackers" failed to show up at the last minute.
**cough cough, Jeff and George with about one hour heads up. With only six players, the night started out slow and the
first three games were uneventful, but that would soon change. The stranger known as Doug (the river rat) returned and
took an early lead and was poised to sweep the table then began to bleed chips towards the end of the night. Speaking
of bleeding, John was unable to keep the winning streak from last month alive and by the end of the night everyone had a part
of John's money. Lessons learned tonight include: 1-If you want to slow down the game, let Tim "think" he can read
your hand, 2-John needs to trim his fingernails while under the table, 3-"the before 9pm" ban on major sweets needs
to be reinstituted.
Favorite
Food: Kathy's sweet (did I mention sweet) crushed oreo balls
Quote of the Night: "I fold, but play it out"
(mutiple times)
February 2010: Well, when your hot your hot. This
was the month of John M. Every card he touched was gold. Every hand he played was a winner. Rumors of him
selling his soul to the Devil for a night like tonight may actually be true. In the end, it was a blood bath for everyone
else but him. His victims started falling early. Cuz knocked out by 8pm. His reign didnt stop there.
Playing the best 7/27 hand in the history of the game, hiding the perfect hand, awarded him the entire pot. All the
rest of us could do was hang on in hopes that he would let us live. Even if it meant getting an extra .05 cents to add
to his big stack, he was bound and determined to get it. But at what price!?!? With just two months in, John M.
has a 4100 lead over the second place position. The rest of us were left to lick our wounds.
Favorite Food: Monty's Meat. He won everything else,
why not Best Food as well.
Quote of the Night: "How old are you?" "42."
"Yeah right...your beard is 42"
January
2010: And so begins the New Poker Year with all the stats reset. Along with the new year comes new
proclimations. George M. has again set the bar high with his "Gonna win in 2010" campaign. As with
any new year, some have decided to take up new hobbies as resolutions....like learning Magic. Because chicks dig
magic. Speaking of chicks, please stop calling John M with your complaints. And with the new year, Ron J. has
started a new poker policy where "normal" poker will run from 6pm to 10....err 11pm. Then at the end
of the night a tournament begins! Though we are all wise to his skeem to suck more money out of us. We missed
Bob J, Doug B, Ryan G. and No Call No Show Cuz tonight. Two big winners tonight with Ron J. finishing first in
the Run for the Trophy, and George M. in the Tournament.
Favorite
Food: Gina's Brownies. Seriously girl you rock!
Quote of the Night: "Girls dont dig magic.
They just want you to disappear."
December
2009: Our Annual Dinner / Poker Night is always highly anticipated and well attended. Tonight had
such a good turnout, we had to go "old school" and break out the two monster tables to accommodate all. The
Pot Luck Dinner had some of the best food to date from the Honey Baked Ham, Homemade Lasagna, Chick-fil-a nuggets, two types
of potatoes, and so much more. The gift exchange saw some of the best gifts ever. When it came to the cards, it
was the epic battle of the year with our first place leader on tilt early, leaving the door wide open to those close enough
to catch him. When it was all said and done, James M. hung on by a mere couple of bucks to be named 2009 JMB Poker Champion
of the Year. Congrats James! Some of the highlights of the evening need to be mentioned as well. First and
foremost, though this is the Christmas Season, "Retarded Santa" was no where to be found. We learned that
a sequel is being made to the movie Snakes on a Plane. It is called Hobo's on the Train starring Boxcar Willie.
A new game was introduced as well called "The Good, The Bad, and The Monty". And since this is the season
for Holiday giving, Tim V. was willing to donate .50 cents to "The Cuz Charity Fund" just to screw over John
M.
Favorite Food: To numerous to mention.
Thanks to all that made the dinner a success.
Quote of the Night: "My husband is an idiot!"
November 2009: Tonight
we decided to try something new with a start time of 5pm. Grumblings from some but for the most part a success.
Things that were not as successful this evening were: (1) "Curious George" trying to wrestle a child proof
gate, (2) Bobby J's new phone...no really he got a new phone....and (3) our Chip Leader being de-throwned. Yes with
only one month left to go our King has been replaced by the Queen....err James M. We had a visit from a Jonah's
Brother who gave some members of the household a "private" concert. We are still having issues with some members
just wanting to win 1/4 of the pot. And because of South Park, Cuz has decided to trade in his Harley for a Vespa.
Favorite Food: Gina...leave James
and marry us. We love you and your "Carpet Doesn't Match The Drapes" Blond Brownies.
Quote
of the Night: Oh Yeah! Well the reason you got chipmonk cheeks is because my -censor- are in
your mouth!"
October 2009:
The Ron J. Bed and Breakfast debuted tonight and his first customer was Ryan G. The RJ B&B comes stocked with the
finest amenities. Some of these include 800 count sheets, and Belgium chocolates. Turndown service with mints
left on your pillow...err wait...those aren't mints. Regardless, the RJ B&B is truly a sight to behold. I
bet you are asking yourself why this reporter is speaking of the newest B&B and not the Poker Report? Well to be
honest, Ron J's play last night had absolutely nothing going on that resembled poker....at least winning poker....so I am
left to report about his latest capital venture. In other news we had the opportunity to preview Blackberry's newest
line of phones called the BrickBerry. I was also fortunate enough to play Little John's newest game Blackwater, where
the object is to lose 3/4 of the pot. On a more serious note, November's game on the 21st will start at 5pm and end
at 11pm so make your arrangements accordingly.
Favorite Food:
Gina's Brownies.
Quote
of the Night: You looks like Joe Dirt who's all grown up!
September 2009:
Action started fast as the 1st game raised it's head with possible controversy, but in the end, Chuck won one of his
only games (still got spanked and sent home broke). We did learn a new game tonight: Texas Hold-em, low hole, black
bottom, high spade, with a twist of lemon, half gainer.....WTF George! Ahhh, speaking of George, 32 is only good if
the 2 your using is NOT a dead card, your welcome James "Misdeal" Meyn . It's amazing that we can play a game where
the final two players are not at the table....WTF moment #2. Ron on a diet...good thing, Ron eating bad food +
a fan (or guest bath).....very, very, bad. Yo, Yo, Yo, Cuz: right house, wrong hat.
Favorite
Food: Kathy's Oreo Truffles ( Crushed Oreos and .......cream cheese) would of never guessed
it!
Quote of the Night: "You're not on tilt, you're on a Chuck"
